Embarking on the journey to discover yourself in your twenties can feel like navigating uncharted waters. The pressure to define your purpose and make lifelong decisions is intense, but also liberating.
I’ve been in that position. I was graduating college with a Masters degree yet I felt so lost and confused. For the first time, nobody was there to tell me what the “correct” next step was. I realized that I had never thought deeply about who I was, what I wanted, what I believed, and why. Until I spent time alone.
In this blog post, I’ll discuss six strategies that helped me figure out who I was and what I wanted, while also transforming my perspective on alone time, even as a fervent extrovert. I’ll be covering:
- Why the twenties are a critical period for self-discovery.
- The impact of societal expectations on personal identity.
- The transformative power of spending time alone.
- Techniques to cultivate independence and self-understanding.
- Strategies to assess personal beliefs, fears, aspirations, and more.
So if you’re ready to understand yourself better and ultimately get clear on the dream life that is meant for you, then you’re in the right place!
How I found out what I really wanted
When I graduated from college, and even leading up to graduation, I felt lost. I was done focusing on going to school and getting good grades. I had finished all that and even accepted a job offer. Still, I had this looming cloud over my head telling me something was missing. Like maybe I had more potential.
We know exactly what we are supposed to do for the first 18-22 years of life, sometimes even more depending on the career path we choose. Then suddenly, there is no longer a clear plan.
I was surrounded by ideas from friends and family about what is considered successful and viewed in a positive light. But the acceptable path of graduating and then going to work for someone else for the next 40 years sounded torturous. I had no idea what I wanted, but I knew it wasn’t that.
When we are on a path that is so neatly lined out for us, sometimes we forget to take a step back and ask ourselves what we truly want. It wasn’t until spending time by myself that I finally began to think deeply about who I was and the beliefs I held.
Despite initial discomfort and the desire to distract myself with mindless entertainment, I eventually settled into my personal time. I began to feel more confident in myself and my beliefs. I actually came to look forward to my alone time, and most importantly, it became crystal clear what I wanted out of life.
So here is exactly what I did and how to implement these tips and strategies. This is exactly how to get to know yourself, and ultimately become clear on the life that is meant for you!
Strategy #1: Reflect on Who You Are and Where You’re Going
One of my favorite quotes goes like this: Study the lives of the great people who have made an impact on the world, and you will find that in virtually every case, they spent a considerable amount of time alone thinking.
Engage in deep inner work by journaling or reflecting on your fears, childhood experiences, and self-perception. This introspection will allow you to evaluate your current situation, and use it to help point you towards where you should go. Once you have a clear sense of who are are and where you want to be, you can begin creating goals to put it into action.
Some prompts to help get you started might be:
- What am I most afraid about others finding out about myself?
- What parts of my childhood make me feel angry and sad?
- What memories have stuck with me?
If you want to take your inner work a step farther and incorporate reflection into your daily routine, check out this 5 minute reflection journal here!
For a more extensive list of writing prompts and other helpful tools I have used, fill out the form below to gain instant access!
Strategy #2: Try New Hobbies
Start by revisiting childhood joys or exploring new interests. Experiment with activities that spark passion and fluidity. Whether it’s making scrapbooks, learning a new language, or trying your hand at caligraphy, find what brings you joy in your alone time. The point is to have things you actually look forward to doing when you’re by yourself, especially if you are an extrovert.
Honoring and valuing play through experimenting with new hobbies is a great way to be in your healthy feminine energy, which is all about being connected to the body and experiencing fluidity.
I also created a whole list of hobbies to spark some inspiration. Fill out the form below to get INSTANT access!
Strategy #3: Use Pinterest for Inspiration and Visualization of What You Desire
Create moodboards and vision boards on Pinterest to visually represent the person you aspire to be. Define your style, environment, and everything in between to gain clarity on your dream life. What would this person dress like? How would they talk? What activities would they engage in? Where would they live? How do you want your life overall to look or feel?
Repeating affirmations to yourself and practicing gratitude is a great way to establish your new identity and bring your desires into reality. Consider incorporating a daily gratitude and reflection journal into your routine here!
If you want to one day have this dream life become a reality, you need to be very clear on exactly what you want. For more on goal setting and getting clear on your dream life, refer to my post 4 Steps To Create Your Dream Life here.
Strategy #4: Question All Your Beliefs
An essential aspect of your journey towards self-discovery involves a meticulous examination of your belief system. Delve into the underlying reasons behind why you think what you think. If you were raised in a religious context, critically evaluate whether those ideologies align with your current understanding of truth.
Similarly, when it comes to family-held political views, take the time to explore alternative perspectives. If you reach the same conclusion, great! If you reach a different conclusion, great! The point is to be able to confidently stand for what you believe in.
Simply adhering to beliefs due to tradition and without questioning can significantly restrict the depth of your conviction. If your only answer to why you think something is “Thats just what I’ve always been told”, you might need to do more thoughtful introspection.
Strategy #5: Diversify Your Friend Group
When I talk about spending time alone, I’m not encouraging you to never be social. It is our nature as humans to crave social interaction and we thrive when we have a healthy amount. There have been studies that have literally shown having strong relationships is the number one factor in preventing disease. So of course, these interactions are important, but when you do socialize with others, do so in a way where you are still becoming the highest version of you.
Rather than hanging out with the same group of friends all the time, foster individual friendships as well. This helps to minimize “groupthink,” a phenomenon observed in group settings where the desire for harmony or conformity leads to an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome, oftentimes discouraging creativity or individual responsibility.
Additionally, try to surround yourself with uplifting people. If the people in your circle drain your energy all the time, take note of that and place more energy elsewhere.
Our 20s are a time for drastic changes in our identities. The author of one of my favorite books, The Defining Decade explains that our personalities change more during the twentysomething years than at any time before or after. Don’t expect to have everything figured out even a year from now because we are continuously figuring out who we are and what we want.
Over the past 12 months, I went from struggling to know who I really was to still not fully knowing who I am, but building more confidence in myself and being able to stand firm in my beliefs. I account a great deal of this to spending time alone, sitting with my thoughts, and nurturing my relationship with myself. I’ve grown more independent and found comfort in my own company, meaning I don’t plan on settling for anything less than my dream partner, career, and life!
Ready to embark on the journey of self-discovery in your twenties? Dive deep into the transformative power of a gratitude and reflection journal here! Just as I’ve experienced, this practice can unlock clarity, confidence, and a clear sense of purpose. Say goodbye to uncertainty and hello to a life aligned with your true desires. Don’t just dream about your ideal life—start living it today with the gratitude journal.
Even if you’re not ready to go all in on your self discovery journey, I have something that will help you think completely differently about what you’re worthy of and help get you started on creating your dream life. Get FREE access to my resource library containing literally everything I used to help me shift my mindset and start creating the life of my dreams including book recommendations, planning templates, wellness activities, and more! Use the form below to get INSTANT access to these amazing resources and rewire your brain for success, happiness, and abundance!
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